The Sandbox

It is Saturday morning... 7am. Patrick, barefooted, pads out to the side of his yard. He is wearing a white terry cloth robe... his eyes are drowsy. He has built a small sandbox, he claims it is for his nephew when he comes to visit, but this sandbox has another purpose. To Patrick, this sandbox is his new official test of sand warmth. He gingerly steps onto the sand expecting the worst... as one would when sticking their big toe into the ocean water in March. With both feet now firmly planted in the box, he begins to wiggle his toes. While in deep evaluating thought, he furls one eyebrow while scrunching the corner of his lip and left cheek. Within a few seconds of this analysis, Patrick drops his shoulders and declares, "no... just not feeling it today... the rooster trophy will have to wait for another day." He slowly pads back to his house to get more sleep.

Long Beach For Tomorrow (4/28)

So far we have a light showing. The weather/rain we see today will be gone by 2am tonight... about the same time Patrick settles in for the evening at the beach. By 8am the temp will be up to 58... 60 by 9am. The high will be once again flirting with 70!

At this moment we have the following:
Men
Me + 1 net
Graham
Matt
Sung
Patrick
Jorge
Rick

Women
Carla from Miami
Darlene
Big Lar!!

We still want to play, but with the limited women, we are more likely to shift to a "non-gender" specific tournament. Let me know if that is a problem with anyone. Also, if you are still interested in playing... there is still plenty of time to sign up. Just click on the comment button and give me a resounding "yea!!"

9am... Long Beach!
Post party: Sutton Place... lets trash this joint!

Recap for Long Beach 4/21 Tournament

Bravo! Great tournament this weekend in Long Beach! A very good crowd… pleasant spring like conditions, a little wind… a little bit of beer, and some good competition! This is the type of tournament that I have missed… a good group of people having fun. When I think about it… I always get this feeling of how lucky I am to be in the middle of it all. I did it this weekend… and I always did it at the East Meadow. At the beginning of every tournament, I’d sit for a few minutes and watch everyone warm up. It is the only time during the day that you can watch the balls on both sides of the court of each net bounce back and forth at the same time. It really is a cool sight.

Before I continue further, I must officially give props to Zak for reviving a tournament that was practically on its last gasp. Special thanks once again go to Phil and his Mystical Merry Men. Without them this weekend would never have been possible… and even though several of you inquired about the mysterious ranks of the Merry Men, Phil has never divulged that information to me. As far as I know, it could be the guy playing on the court right alongside of mine. Or the guy whose beer from which I just took a long satisfying pull. I just don’t know.

Long Beach is an ideal location, and provided the forecast holds up for this weekend, we will be back this Saturday. For May, we look to go back to Innwood for a couple more
“King & Queen” events… and also hold a shot tournament! Man… it’s been awhile since we’ve had one of those!! The season finale will be in Long Beach during Memorial Day weekend. Diana and this guy (Andrew Miller – I don’t really know him, but he gives good e-mail) will be organizing some kind of big bash as a post tournament event. Obviously there are many more details to follow, but you can mark your calendar now! There are also preliminary discussions about actually holding a “King & Queen” in Miami this upcoming fall season… the main sponsor is supposedly Carlton Draught.

As this tournament gets more and more popular, it is amazing what some of you will do to make it to one of these “King & Queen” tournaments. Lets take this weekend for example… shall we?

Patrick arrived at the beach somewhere around 3am. True to his word, he was going to test the sand for the degree of warmth that he required before he played in a beach tournament. No better way to do that than to be present first thing in the morning. When Sung, Romeo and I arrived at the beach, we spied him near the lifeguard station all nestled up in a fuzzy beige blanket that was dotted with little blue two-inch elephants. He wore these cute baby blue bunny slippers… one ear on the one slipper was partially chewed… probably the handiwork of a teething or ornery puppy. Sung was about to shake him awake when I remembered reading something about that when someone is in a peaceful slumber you should awaken them gently. I had Romeo caress his cheeks, not with the back of his extended fingers, but with the pads of his fingertips… with soothing… gliding strokes of tenderness. Patrick slowly awoke with a smile of tranquility, and slowly dragged his hand through the sand. He scooped up a handful of the fine and pure sand and let it slowly pour out of his hands as he stared at it with the same awe that one would if he or she were allowing exquisite gold coins to flow from their grasp. He flashed his contagious grin and said, “oh yeah… it’s going to be a good day… I’m in!” We rejoiced! Then Patrick began talking about how beautiful Pluto was last night in the evening sky. We let him go back to sleep for a while longer.

Libby, a “newbie,” missed the 7:45 train out of Penn Station. Most others would have given up and gone back to bed. Not Libby… She opened up a jar of “can-do” attitude and mustered the will to defy that urge. She was going to participate in this tournament no matter what. Upon seeing her train depart, she immediately dashed to the street level and flagged down the first available cab. In this maddening race to beat the train to the beach… Libby and her cab driver broke numerous laws… too many to mention in this very brief recap. Once setting foot on the boardwalk at Long Beach she immediately realized that she had gotten out of the cab far too soon. Libby then sprinted the last two and a half miles to arrive at the site at exactly 9pm! Exhausted, she still found the energy to help set up three of the four nets. In between the proudly displayed her calf muscles, and on several occasions had people come and “feel” had hard they were from all her jungle survival training in the dark and dense jungles of the Philippines when she was a Marine Harrier fighter pilot. She’s all sweet and innocent off the court… but on the court she reverts back to her Marine call sign of “ghost” and she will sneak up on you during match play and destroy you! “Semper Fi.”

Tammy on the other hand was not as lucky as her counterpart. She was pulled over for speeding… I believe the story goes something like this – Tammy’s words:

“So I’m driving along… trying to get her on time… cause I don’t want to do that shot of tequila for being last. I don’t know if he is telling the truth or not about that… I didn’t want to take any chances. I’m flying along this residential street and this cop pulls me over. He walks up to my car and asks me why he pulled me over… I’m trying to think of something that would be a good excuse, but all I could come up with was, “its my birthday today!!” He then tells me that he stopped me because I was doing 87 MPH in a 35 MPH zone. I squinted my eyes and said, “was I really going that fast?” AAAAAHAHAHAHA... oohhhh… he wasn’t amused. He then asked me if I had a PBA card… and I did… but from 1998!!! He examined it and asked me the name of the officer who had given it to me… can you believe… I couldn’t remember!! So I thought… it may have been my friend Carl who gave it to me… the plumber… but I wasn’t sure… so I thought I was only thinking this… but somehow my mouth betrayed me and I blurted out “Carl!” “Carl who?” he asked me. I froze… I couldn’t say the plumber… my mind was freakin’ racing… and then all of a sudden out came… get this… out came … Malden!!… he’s a cop, right? AAAAAAHAHAHAHA!! Carl Malden!! (screaming laughter ensues). He let me go with a warning AAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Rick Gave up on a $976 thousand dollar business deal, sold the Infiniti, paid the plane fare change charges, and arrived in Newark (from Ft Meyers via Dallas, Washington and Chicago) at 2:10 am Saturday morning… just before Patrick snuggled into his jammies at the beach. Rick, happy to be back in NY amongst friends, didn’t see his efforts to play as sacrifices. “I was bored with the Infiniti… and I also have a Dodge Dart that gets 19 MPG and I’m quite happy with it,” he said. Rick added, “That is now my status car and I’m quite proud to drive it!”

As far as the actual tournament… Some highlights:
• Tammy again reliving her traffic incident to the entire group of players.
• E-mail alerts were sent about the typical condition of the first beach tournament of the season. Usually the sand is in horrible condition with much trash, sticks, shells, hypodermic needles, and various body parts strewn just below the surface. That was not the case… picture perfect sand was all that we found. It was so clean it was a challenge just to find a small piece of debris for the opening “shell” game of “choose side or serve.”
• Actual quote, “you know… one year… about the same amount of time that it takes for the sun to rotate around the earth… duh.”
• Cenk started a tournament for the very first time ever at a mark of 0-3!
• The water is still not safe for swimming due to the presence of numerous sea lions and the fact that they have recently been added to the infamously notorious list of animals trying to kill people.
• Departed the restroom at Burger King to hear a familiar female voice around the corner telling the cashier a story about how she dodged a traffic ticket doing 85 in a 25.
• Three hundred cats at the front door way of the Hemingway house refuse to allow the Persians through.
• Several of us experienced a rare “Volleyball Bob” sighting. Fits of uncontrollable rapture were felt by many.
• Two shanked passes landed up on the boardwalk. Safe to say that no harm came to anyone passing by, although one elderly 85 year-old woman was able to quickly side step to safety past one rolling ball.
• Did a shot of Patron with Rick to start the day… and I wasn’t even the last one to show!

Playoffs:
In semi-final action, Court one had the #1 seeded team of Long Beach Chris and Carla the Miami model facing against Patrick and Tammy. On the other court, yours truly had secured the #2 spot for the second week in a row. My fantastic partner this week was none other than Jen Krucher! Our opponents… Darlene and Cenk! Cenk surviving his slow start was beginning to build a little volleyball momentum. These were indeed exciting match-ups!

Before her match, Tammy was quite anxious to “get it on” and to retain her “Queen” status from last week. They felt Patrick would be the perfect stallion to ride in that quest. After testing the sand for warmth, Patrick was ready to play. After that, I didn’t really see much of their match. My assessment of the game they played is this:

Carla with a beautiful roll shot.
Long Beach Chris pounds one down on the line.
Patrick Pounds one back.
Tammy serves an ace on back line.
Carla wears a red ball cap.

Game over… Long Beach Chris and Carla the Miami model win it and advance to the finals!

I’ve retained more from my match… weird how that works. This one is just an absolute struggle. I’m tired and I keep hoping that Cenk is more tired. At one point I relay this important information to Jen. It went something like this, “Jen… I’m tired.” “Me too… but suck it up… we’re in this,” she replied. I feel my lip quiver as I begin to cry. I take a sand time-out to help adjust this hormonal mood swing I’m experiencing. I think of Matt who was still jump serving deep into the playoffs!! With that vision, my spirits are immediately lifted. I spin and return to the position on the court and ready myself for the next serve. It comes at me quickly. I barely get a hand on it as I send my pass to the back left-hand corner of the court. Jen barely gets a hand on it as she sets me. The next second or two is a blur as Jen and I collide, twist and fall to the ground in an exhausted heap. “I’m tired,” she says. I concur. Game over as Cenk, who started 0-3 for the first time ever, and Darlene march forth to the finals! As I sit there on the sand in relief that my day is finally over, I hear Tammy explaining to a few people on the boardwalk about her run-in with the law that morning and how was doing 95 in a 10 MPH zone.

The question was, will the number one seeded team of Long Beach Chris and Carla the Miami model be able to overcome this jinx? I won’t make you wait for the answer to this… the answer is… wait… wait… wait… the answer is no! Cenk and Darlene pull off the upset and are crowned the “King & Queen” of the first Long Beach tournament of the spring season!

Stink & Drink was held at Sutton’s Place. It is a very nice place… I’m somewhat afraid to actually sit on anything. Most of us went there for post tournament beverages… okay… I had to leave early, but that is rare. This could be the normal site for afterwards. Let me know what you think of it? Or should we consider relocated to a less posh place?

In this week’s segment of “Setting the Record Straight,” Eric LeCain writes in response to last week’s “hand model” mystery:

“Yes this is an imposter in the picture holding the cock. I first had this impression when I noticed that hand is white and not to be to blunt but the last time looked at Patrick D. ummmm he was not white. Also Patrick was not at the tournament in which the cock was the trophy. Also I know the hand holding the cock very well.... and how do I know that hand do you ask??... well because its my freakin’ hand and I won the cock that day. So on that particular day it was "my cock in my hand". I mean why would I be holding anyone elses cock and for that matter i think if Patrick D. was holding my cock I would know. So if Patrick would like to hold my cock he will have to win a K&Q, then he can hold it all he wants.... well I guess then it will be his cock so he would probably want to hold on to it or at give it a little squeeze... honestly then I guess I would not really want it anymore… mmmm... well I guess that all depends.”
Eric “The Cock” LeCain

Some folks may look at this photo and think, "he has something stuck in his teeth." I don't. I see a man about to wage another titanic struggle for volleyball court supremacy. He is evaluating the tendencies of his next opponent. Does he or she drop their elbow after they spy the opposing court for holes? Does he clap once before executing a roll shot. Does he not dip as low in the ready stance when he is is unsure of himself? Does her nostril flare just before she gets ready to crush a spike? All of this preparation requires intense focus... or... or it could just be that something really is stuck in his teeth.
















The winners. I apologize for the photo. I've been taking some new medication and some of the perscriber information side effects are constant salivation, demon possession, and the obvious one... loss of camera operating ability.

Invite for the 4/28 Long Beach Tournament #2

The recap for last weekend (4/21) is on its way. Just waiting for the gory details of an off-site interview from Monday... plus I have forgotten who won it. I know it wasn't me... which certainly does narrow it down to about twenty-three... er... twenty-four others.

I consulted Phil Horigan (of the Mystical Merry Men), and he has guaranteed beautiful weather for Saturday. He claimed that it would be in the low 70's! So I say this... Who is in, and who can bring a net? Feel free to reply by post.

May the trash talking begin!

Long Beach... all details are in last Thursday and Friday's post.
9am start time!

Switching Faces

Take a look at the picture, then stand up and walk away from the monitor for about seven to eight paces. Now take a look at the picture again... supposedly the faces will have switched places... oooooo... spooky...

Long Beach Tournament Attendees (4/21)

Tomorrow’s attendees:

For tomorrow we have the following playing at Long Beach!!

Women:
Tammy – 1 net
Chris B.
Carla from Miami
Jill
Darlene
Jen

Men:
Me – 1 net
Graham – 1 net
Zak – 1 net
Sung
Romeo
Matt
Cenkenstein
Chris from Long Beach!
Patrick if the sand is warm enough!

Some logistics:

Take the LIRR out of PENN STATION… should try to catch the 7:45. Take it to the Long Beach stop…. The last on that line… you may have to transfer in Jamaica… but the conductor will gladly explain that.

Once there… face south… walk two blocks to the boardwalk… located near the ocean. Make a right (west), walk past the “lifeguard” station located on the beach… and you will see us just after that.

Also, feel free to sign-up for any tournaments through the "comments" portion of the appriate post!

Anyone else interested in joining us for tomorrow?

Anybody doing anything in the city tonight?

Saturday 4/21 Long Beach Invite

For those that have never seen it, this a glimpse of the coveted trophy displayed by world renown hand model, Patrick Deitz. (Since no headshot was provided in this photo, SAG fees were waived, and the “King & Queen” staff had to only pay hand talent fees. This cost will not be absorbed by the “King & Queen” players/members.)


Here are some interesting stats:

There have been 16 out of 18 days thus far in April where the temperature on average has been almost eight degrees below seasonal norm. Rainfall this month in most areas has exceeded eleven inches. Not much opportunity to play ball in that kind of weather.

With that in mind, what does one do to help alleviate this situation… we call in those wondrous weather wranglers of the old days… Phil Horigan and his band of mystical merry men! Yes, some of you may be too young to remember these guys, but back in the old “King & Queen” days, we called on Phil and his merry team to perform their orgiastic ritual weather magic on a weekly basis (every Thursday night at midnight). Some of you may recall the spring of 98 and 99… absolutely no rain on any of those weekends! I think we held ten tournaments in both of those seasons. So with desperate times come desperate measures… forcing us (Graham, Zak, and me) to enlist the help of Phil once again. Instead of the usual Thursday night performance, we begged them to begin on Wednesday night just in case an additional night was needed due to all of the inclement weather we have had as of late. So last night Phil and his mystical merry men underwent their ritual. This one was especially sultry… an orgiastic ritual above all others… with a slight drizzle in the evening, slippery smooth skin emitted a vaporous steam from the delightfully heated bodily friction that could be seen in the dull yellow door light of the rooftop doorway. I must take a moment to recover since my pulse is now racing…………… now… where was I?

Yes!!! The ritual on the first evening has paid off in a huge way!! Suddenly the skies are going to be blue once again this Saturday with an amazing turn of events! Cast away are they gray and bleak skies of yesterday… and the day before that… and before that… As a matter of fact, the sky will be se clear on this perfect spring day that one will almost be able to see the PLANET of Pluto if one actually has a portable Hubble telescope with that cool new color immersed dark energy imaging feature!

With that mentioned, we would like to invite everyone to the Long Beach “King & Queen” Invitational! Saturday’s temperature is going to be a stunning 66 degrees with a mild seven MPH wind. And bring plenty of suntan lotion, as the UV rating will reach an astonishing level of seven!

All “King & Queen” rules still apply.
$5 for all entrants unless you are bringing a net.
No handsets over the net. A handset must be touched by your partner.

We play just west of National Blvd and the lifeguard station. Can’t miss it… it’s that large building in the middle of the beach with the large sign that reads, “Lifeguard Station.”

Start time is 9am. Last person there owes $10… anyone showing up after 9pm will be required to consume pre-tourney penalty shots of tequila.

For those taking the train out of Penn Station… the last train you can catch, and still be on-time, is the 7:48 to Long Beach.

Okay… who is in? Who can bring a net?

Global Warming Rally Cut Short by Cold Freezing Weather

More than two dozen demonstrators braved cold, wet weather today in NYC to attend a rally designed to draw attention to global warming. Unfortunately, the event was cut short by heavy rain and sleet, said organizer Nat Delgado of the NYC Coalition for Climate Change. "It's kind of disappointing that the weather kept people away," Nat said sadly. She also mentioned that the storm prevented the use of her solar ovens for a potluck picnic, and caused the planned two-hour demonstration to break up after about six or seven minutes of really intense demonstrating.

Tournament in NC Ends Abruptly

A “King of the Beach” tournament held yesterday in Oriental, North Carolina was prematurely halted due to inclement weather. Billy Todd and James Ornton were vying for the coveted “King” status when pelting rain and 40 MPH sustained winds caused the majority of the group to end the tournament with one game left to decide overall winner. Reports claim that Billy Todd, having the same record as James Ornton, was one point ahead in point differential after the second game of three in the finals. He was declared the winner! James Ornton who has been known to sport a fiery temper, once spit in someone’s face during a game, has an enormous ego. His pride would not accept that Billy be declared “King” without actually having played the last game. What made if worse for James was that his partner for the last game was far better than Billy’s. After some plentiful bickering, and a bit of sand kicking, the four players agreed to play the remaining game to determine the rightful heir to the throne that day. With gusts now reaching 75 to 80 MPH the first serve of the fateful last match was blown eastward directly into the awaiting Atlantic Ocean and was lost. Because it was the last ball of the tournament (all other players left immediately), the tournament was halted… and Billy Todd was once again declared the winner!

In a related story… the Boston Marathon will still be held today. Runners will be running the entire race into a 30-40 MPH headwind. Officials are making a couple “stretch of the imagination” predictions on the outcome of today’s race. One, there will be no record setting time today. Two, many people will most likely drop from the race… or just not show… or may not even get out of bed. For me, I will now drive down to the bay to do a quarter mile run or so on already flooded roads for two reasons. I want to get a sense of what it will be like to run in the marathon today, and I want to evaluate Nike’s claims of the “Dry-fit” sports shirt. Supposedly the shirt is to keep you up 63% dryer. We shall see.

Lunchtime Volleyball Tournament Cancelled!

Yes, sad to say... there will be no tourney today at lunch due to the constant downpour. I simply applaud those of you who insisted on playing regardless of weather... but I'm just not feeling it today... sorry.

Recap of 3/31/07 Tournament

Hey Gang!

Many of you have been asking about a tournament this upcoming weekend. Unfortunately, since we do not have permits for April, our game plan was to take the “K&Q” to the beach. However, just when we thought spring had made a triumphant return, winter has snatched back the weather with a vengeance.

It is highly unlikely at this time that there will be a beach tournament this weekend. Even if we did decide to hold one… very few of you would show to play! Weekend temp is to be in the high 40’s with showers. At the park, … ah… maybe… could be do-able… on the beach… slim chance.

We will shoot again for the weekend of 4/21. Hopefully the weather will return to normal seasonal temps of the mid-sixties by then.

Recap for the 3/31 Innwood “King & Queen:”

First order of business: MISSING – Juan Lapeen. 5 foot 6 and 9/16s, weighs 135 pounds, brownish dark hair, does fantastic Mike Tysen impersonations, aka “The Rabbit.” He’s currently a local talk-show personality of the 4th most popular kids variety show in Hayesville, KS!! If found, please bring him to his “Silver Nike” sunglasses. They miss him terribly. Cash reward in the thousands. Also, if by chance you are ever in Haysville, You can catch his show on channel 19 at 4am on Sundays.

The debate over Pluto’s planetary status escalated to a feverish pitch. At the end of the day, we had a vote of five random “King & Queen” players to determine where we stood collectively on the IAU’s decision to demote Pluto from “heavenly and celestial planet” to a loathsome “dwarf planet.” All this just because it had not yet cleared out is orbital neighborhood! Here are the results of that vote:

Bill Bowen:
“And I'm firmly behind the International Astronomical Union's decision. Clearly Pluto has ignored proper procedure for clearing the area of it's orbital path despite numerous warnings through the millennia, first by the single-celled amoeba's, then by the triceratops, and finally, the Chesapeake Bay giant otter. It got what it deserved!” – Very harsh - One “No” vote

Jill Koser:
“It's still truly a planet in our hearts!” – Isn’t she sweet? - One YES, One NO

Chippindale:
“With much sorrow I must decline the invitation to vote because I'm in Namibia.” No comment - Two YES, One No

Graham:
“Pluto is not a planet, and never should have been.” – Succinct - Two YES, Two No

Volleyball Bob:
“People want to know why the last planet wasn’t named after Goofy. It’s a huge misconception that Disney created Goofy long before Pluto. In reality, Goody was created in 1932… he was the disguised audience member with the raucous laugh in the flick "Mickey's Revue.” He went on to perform in 48 cartoons, mostly n the 1940s and 1950s, but he was best known for his series of "How to" cartoons, where he bumbled through the explanations.

Pluto made his debut as a bloodhound in the Mickey Mouse cartoon "The Chain Gang" in 1930… the same year that our last planet was discovered. I don’t think that was a mere coincidence.

Pluto also starred in 48 of his own cartoons.

What baffles me is that Pluto was created as an actual dog character, with no speaking voice, as opposed to Goofy, who was created as a human character… some form of “manimal” really.” - Who knew Bob was so informed of the origins of Disney characters! I never really knew where he was going with this, but I’ll take it as a good thing! – A resounding YES

There you go, with a vote of 3-2, we as a group still believe Pluto to be a planet!!

The Tournament (The Pluto Classic):

Chilly in the morning, but warmed up nicely throughout the day. Scored my first minor sun burn of the year… so the day couldn’t have been too bad!

It was an absolute thrill to see so many new faces… and a lot of old ones. I believe the final tournament count was 67! Great turnout! It was tight, but we did manage to fit all 13 nets.

What’s great about this site is that there are no real conflicts with football or soccer players. They have their own fields and don’t mess with us at all. However, we do need to get Mr. Altman out there… every once in a while we do need a good fight provoked with those very same sporting groups.

Highlights of the day:

• Gus racked up another win!
• Several of the guys were complaining about sensitive red forearms. This occurred every time following a match against Sara.
• Australia will be sending 300 troops to Afghanistan. King Leonidas is impressed!
• Laurence can be a name for both men and woman! It does require a “w” to be a man’s name… Sir Laurence Olivier for example. We do have our new “Laurence” at the “K&Q,” and she is very much a woman… The “Big Lar!” Larry started out slow… a white belt in volleyball (white sashes at vb tourneys are the new “in” thing in vb fashion)… and slowly honed her game until she secured the third seed of the tournament. Not bad for a first outing!
• Bob, Sara and myself managed to knock down a case of Corona before the tenth round!
• Lanky Mike continues to grow. He acknowledges the strange parallel between himself and blades of grass… Montauk fescue to be precise… his words, not mine.
• In a dramatic turn of events, Romeo “cheesed” a ball on the winning game point. His response immediately after his insidious laughter ended, “I didn’t mean to do that!”
• Amy Fletcher proclaimed that she is, “The Amy!” Especially when no other Amy’s are around.
• Actually overheard this conversation: First person asks, “What’s the difference between weather and climate?” The second person replies with, “hmmm… weather is a general term and climate is usually in reference to a region or territory.” First person quickly remarks, “very close… but no… You can’t weather a tree, but you can climate!”
• Dave Latman couldn’t make it due to the need to travel to Florida to represent the dead Jim Morrison in order to obtain a full pardon in his exposure case.
The Playoffs – Semi finals:
#1 Billiad Bowen and Sara were matched up against #4 Eric “The Cockmaster” LeCain and Tammy

#2 Me (can you believe it!!) and Andi challenged Sung (can you believe it!!!!) and Larry

I’ll get to the point; it wasn’t a day for the top seeds. Mr. LeCain, the best damn male player on a men’s net set at woman’s height, was not fooled by Bill’s well disguised roll shot. Despite Sara’s awe dropping digs and thunderous spikes… the #1 seeded team was sent packing.

The situation didn’t provide to be better on the other court. Have I ever mentioned how much I detest playing against Sung? Oh, he’s a great and all, we’ve shared many post tourney beers together… but on the court… he’s becoming some kind of volleyball ninja! Anyway, he’s playing well, and Larry decides it is now time to jump serve. She leaps into the air and lands seven to eight feet inside the court as she blisters a serve down my line… over and over. Andi was definitely getting a little upset with her serving the weaker passer. I easily calmed her down after explaining that I’m still learning that part of the game.

The Final:

Who really cares...

Okay… good and entertaining final… lots of good plays… the crowd was cheering and getting behind their favorites. At the end of the match however, Eric “The Cockmaster” LeCain retained the coveted “rooster” trophy, and Tammy was honored with her first “Queen” victory!

Stink & Drink:

There was one… and it was a lot of fun! I’m not even going to hint to the three different hook-ups that happened that night. You’ll just have to come to the next one!

Fine… talked me into it… some highlights:

• Graham performed four tray shots!
• Car bombs, car bombs, car bombs

Other story: Jeff Altman has finally given up on Tae-Bo. He claims the routine no longer provides the volume of cardio he desires. Instead he is going back to his dancing roots. Next stop… ballroom dancing. His inspiration: former NFL great and last season’s “Dancing With the Stars” champ, Emmitt Smith. Jeff says, “Emmitt has made dancing cool… that it is no longer socially awkward to be a good dancer!” Hey Jeff, where do we sign up?

Pluto Recap:
Still desolate and cold… beginning is two century journey back out into deep space.

Future discussion points:
• If Goofy did arrive after Pluto as Bob claims, then is this some form of Disney-Darwin of evolving dogs?
• How did the Chesapeake Bay giant otter and Triceratops develop sophisticated equipment that allowed them to send warnings to Pluto well before humans were able to deal with oddities such as the wheel and fire?

Tournament Invite for 3/31/07

Greetings fellow volleyball enthusiasts!

Graham, Zak and I have given this great thought. The three of us have convened on three different nights this past week… drank some beer… drew up plans… discussed rules changes… penalty shots… and most importantly, we all agree that we don’t care what the International Astronomical Union (IAU) thinks about Pluto. We stand by Pluto and are greatly insulted by the fact that this majestic celestial object has been unceremoniously downgraded to a “dwarf planet.”

It has been preached to us since first grade that this object is indeed a planet. But wait… ooooh… now they say that it hasn’t “cleared the neighborhood” around its orbit!! Maybe someone could have mentioned that several billion years ago during the Big Bang and perhaps Pluto would have been a little more diligent about tidying up its surroundings! Now it is a mere dwarf planet… in the same category as Ceres…, which was a simple asteroid just a few months ago (okay, so it is the size of Texas and if it were to collide with us we’d have a mass extinction equivalent to the KT boundary!)… Hmmm… where was I… volleyball… right… these few hundred astronomers visit Prague once a year and they think they can change the universe…

Well, the three of us came to the conclusion that we should play for the respect of Pluto! Therefore this weekend we’d like to hold our first spring “King & Queen” tournament of what will be an interesting spring schedule. Unfortunately we were unable to get permits for March and April for the lush lawns of Innwood (new location by the river). However, we didn’t have to resort to asking Sung to once again break into the Parks and Recreation offices as he did five years ago to steal permits (he was actually lowered from a vent in the ceiling from a harness… true story). We’ve been informed by some very reliable sources that we need not worry about permits for this weekend because the rangers are all on some kind of “wilderness survival” retreat. Training on how to survive in the wild in case they lose their way on one of the many trails in the vast and dense parks of NYC. This event is also open to the general public, but openings are limited. If interested let me know and I’ll see if I can still get you in for this weekend.

As far as April tournaments are concerned, we couldn’t get the field at all due to a month long Falun Dafa reality/talent show that will be filmed at that location. Word has it that they are searching for extras. People that will create interference/obstacles for the contestants as they battle through some challenging, yet gentle, exercises. Should be fun for all. Again, if interested… you can call 1-877-FALUN-99 (toll free). If you go to either of these events, please feel free to write in and let the rest of us know how it was.

With these park restrictions, we are debating holding early pre-season beach tournaments. Exotic locations such as Long Beach, Seaside, Point Pleasant and one in Siesta Key, Florida. We’ll cover everyone’s airfare for that one, but if you’re late, you still owe $5. And… and… and… at some point, we WILL reintroduce the “Shot” tournament!

Back to this weekend… I do believe all of you know the rules of this tournament by now. You know… new partner every round against two new opponents… unless your name is Graham… then you can play against a guy named Josh every other game.

Cume your total points… I hate adding at the end of the day when I’m drunk.

Don’t pick on the weaker player with your fantastically bomb-blastic serve.

Over-hand sets that travel across the net without being touched are a point…. now that we play rally.

Championship court is the court nearest to all of the chairs!

You are paired with the opposite sex partner of the equivalent rank for single elimination playoffs.

We have drinks during, and most importantly after the tournament. This is called the “Stink & Drink.” I believe the name says it all.

Winners are required to do celebratory “tequila” shots. All others are certainly encouraged to join in on this festive moment. Again, if your name is Graham, you are entitled to perform at least three tray shots… but no more than seven.

There are a few others… but my fingers are beginning to cramp up and all of you know them anyway. If you don’t we’ll just spring them on you in an “as you go/learn” basis. Besides, it’s always more entertaining that way

We are in firm agreement that the last person showing for the day (after 8:45) must not only pay the $5 “I’m late cause I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to play or not” penalty, but will also be required to do a healthy shot of “wake-me-up” tequila!! No, this is not considered a performance enhancement drug. You’ll be fine for your sport/employment random urinalysis exam.

Now, who wants to play? Who can bring a net? I’ll bring Corona… do we have a volunteer to bring the Patron?

I’d love to see a lot of the “old crowd!” Even if you don’t play… try to stop by for frosty beverages and the party afterwards!

And remember this isn’t just for our enjoyment of volleyball and fellowship… it is also for the remembrance of what once was the PLANET of Pluto!