Recap of 3/31/07 Tournament

Hey Gang!

Many of you have been asking about a tournament this upcoming weekend. Unfortunately, since we do not have permits for April, our game plan was to take the “K&Q” to the beach. However, just when we thought spring had made a triumphant return, winter has snatched back the weather with a vengeance.

It is highly unlikely at this time that there will be a beach tournament this weekend. Even if we did decide to hold one… very few of you would show to play! Weekend temp is to be in the high 40’s with showers. At the park, … ah… maybe… could be do-able… on the beach… slim chance.

We will shoot again for the weekend of 4/21. Hopefully the weather will return to normal seasonal temps of the mid-sixties by then.

Recap for the 3/31 Innwood “King & Queen:”

First order of business: MISSING – Juan Lapeen. 5 foot 6 and 9/16s, weighs 135 pounds, brownish dark hair, does fantastic Mike Tysen impersonations, aka “The Rabbit.” He’s currently a local talk-show personality of the 4th most popular kids variety show in Hayesville, KS!! If found, please bring him to his “Silver Nike” sunglasses. They miss him terribly. Cash reward in the thousands. Also, if by chance you are ever in Haysville, You can catch his show on channel 19 at 4am on Sundays.

The debate over Pluto’s planetary status escalated to a feverish pitch. At the end of the day, we had a vote of five random “King & Queen” players to determine where we stood collectively on the IAU’s decision to demote Pluto from “heavenly and celestial planet” to a loathsome “dwarf planet.” All this just because it had not yet cleared out is orbital neighborhood! Here are the results of that vote:

Bill Bowen:
“And I'm firmly behind the International Astronomical Union's decision. Clearly Pluto has ignored proper procedure for clearing the area of it's orbital path despite numerous warnings through the millennia, first by the single-celled amoeba's, then by the triceratops, and finally, the Chesapeake Bay giant otter. It got what it deserved!” – Very harsh - One “No” vote

Jill Koser:
“It's still truly a planet in our hearts!” – Isn’t she sweet? - One YES, One NO

Chippindale:
“With much sorrow I must decline the invitation to vote because I'm in Namibia.” No comment - Two YES, One No

Graham:
“Pluto is not a planet, and never should have been.” – Succinct - Two YES, Two No

Volleyball Bob:
“People want to know why the last planet wasn’t named after Goofy. It’s a huge misconception that Disney created Goofy long before Pluto. In reality, Goody was created in 1932… he was the disguised audience member with the raucous laugh in the flick "Mickey's Revue.” He went on to perform in 48 cartoons, mostly n the 1940s and 1950s, but he was best known for his series of "How to" cartoons, where he bumbled through the explanations.

Pluto made his debut as a bloodhound in the Mickey Mouse cartoon "The Chain Gang" in 1930… the same year that our last planet was discovered. I don’t think that was a mere coincidence.

Pluto also starred in 48 of his own cartoons.

What baffles me is that Pluto was created as an actual dog character, with no speaking voice, as opposed to Goofy, who was created as a human character… some form of “manimal” really.” - Who knew Bob was so informed of the origins of Disney characters! I never really knew where he was going with this, but I’ll take it as a good thing! – A resounding YES

There you go, with a vote of 3-2, we as a group still believe Pluto to be a planet!!

The Tournament (The Pluto Classic):

Chilly in the morning, but warmed up nicely throughout the day. Scored my first minor sun burn of the year… so the day couldn’t have been too bad!

It was an absolute thrill to see so many new faces… and a lot of old ones. I believe the final tournament count was 67! Great turnout! It was tight, but we did manage to fit all 13 nets.

What’s great about this site is that there are no real conflicts with football or soccer players. They have their own fields and don’t mess with us at all. However, we do need to get Mr. Altman out there… every once in a while we do need a good fight provoked with those very same sporting groups.

Highlights of the day:

• Gus racked up another win!
• Several of the guys were complaining about sensitive red forearms. This occurred every time following a match against Sara.
• Australia will be sending 300 troops to Afghanistan. King Leonidas is impressed!
• Laurence can be a name for both men and woman! It does require a “w” to be a man’s name… Sir Laurence Olivier for example. We do have our new “Laurence” at the “K&Q,” and she is very much a woman… The “Big Lar!” Larry started out slow… a white belt in volleyball (white sashes at vb tourneys are the new “in” thing in vb fashion)… and slowly honed her game until she secured the third seed of the tournament. Not bad for a first outing!
• Bob, Sara and myself managed to knock down a case of Corona before the tenth round!
• Lanky Mike continues to grow. He acknowledges the strange parallel between himself and blades of grass… Montauk fescue to be precise… his words, not mine.
• In a dramatic turn of events, Romeo “cheesed” a ball on the winning game point. His response immediately after his insidious laughter ended, “I didn’t mean to do that!”
• Amy Fletcher proclaimed that she is, “The Amy!” Especially when no other Amy’s are around.
• Actually overheard this conversation: First person asks, “What’s the difference between weather and climate?” The second person replies with, “hmmm… weather is a general term and climate is usually in reference to a region or territory.” First person quickly remarks, “very close… but no… You can’t weather a tree, but you can climate!”
• Dave Latman couldn’t make it due to the need to travel to Florida to represent the dead Jim Morrison in order to obtain a full pardon in his exposure case.
The Playoffs – Semi finals:
#1 Billiad Bowen and Sara were matched up against #4 Eric “The Cockmaster” LeCain and Tammy

#2 Me (can you believe it!!) and Andi challenged Sung (can you believe it!!!!) and Larry

I’ll get to the point; it wasn’t a day for the top seeds. Mr. LeCain, the best damn male player on a men’s net set at woman’s height, was not fooled by Bill’s well disguised roll shot. Despite Sara’s awe dropping digs and thunderous spikes… the #1 seeded team was sent packing.

The situation didn’t provide to be better on the other court. Have I ever mentioned how much I detest playing against Sung? Oh, he’s a great and all, we’ve shared many post tourney beers together… but on the court… he’s becoming some kind of volleyball ninja! Anyway, he’s playing well, and Larry decides it is now time to jump serve. She leaps into the air and lands seven to eight feet inside the court as she blisters a serve down my line… over and over. Andi was definitely getting a little upset with her serving the weaker passer. I easily calmed her down after explaining that I’m still learning that part of the game.

The Final:

Who really cares...

Okay… good and entertaining final… lots of good plays… the crowd was cheering and getting behind their favorites. At the end of the match however, Eric “The Cockmaster” LeCain retained the coveted “rooster” trophy, and Tammy was honored with her first “Queen” victory!

Stink & Drink:

There was one… and it was a lot of fun! I’m not even going to hint to the three different hook-ups that happened that night. You’ll just have to come to the next one!

Fine… talked me into it… some highlights:

• Graham performed four tray shots!
• Car bombs, car bombs, car bombs

Other story: Jeff Altman has finally given up on Tae-Bo. He claims the routine no longer provides the volume of cardio he desires. Instead he is going back to his dancing roots. Next stop… ballroom dancing. His inspiration: former NFL great and last season’s “Dancing With the Stars” champ, Emmitt Smith. Jeff says, “Emmitt has made dancing cool… that it is no longer socially awkward to be a good dancer!” Hey Jeff, where do we sign up?

Pluto Recap:
Still desolate and cold… beginning is two century journey back out into deep space.

Future discussion points:
• If Goofy did arrive after Pluto as Bob claims, then is this some form of Disney-Darwin of evolving dogs?
• How did the Chesapeake Bay giant otter and Triceratops develop sophisticated equipment that allowed them to send warnings to Pluto well before humans were able to deal with oddities such as the wheel and fire?

Tournament Invite for 3/31/07

Greetings fellow volleyball enthusiasts!

Graham, Zak and I have given this great thought. The three of us have convened on three different nights this past week… drank some beer… drew up plans… discussed rules changes… penalty shots… and most importantly, we all agree that we don’t care what the International Astronomical Union (IAU) thinks about Pluto. We stand by Pluto and are greatly insulted by the fact that this majestic celestial object has been unceremoniously downgraded to a “dwarf planet.”

It has been preached to us since first grade that this object is indeed a planet. But wait… ooooh… now they say that it hasn’t “cleared the neighborhood” around its orbit!! Maybe someone could have mentioned that several billion years ago during the Big Bang and perhaps Pluto would have been a little more diligent about tidying up its surroundings! Now it is a mere dwarf planet… in the same category as Ceres…, which was a simple asteroid just a few months ago (okay, so it is the size of Texas and if it were to collide with us we’d have a mass extinction equivalent to the KT boundary!)… Hmmm… where was I… volleyball… right… these few hundred astronomers visit Prague once a year and they think they can change the universe…

Well, the three of us came to the conclusion that we should play for the respect of Pluto! Therefore this weekend we’d like to hold our first spring “King & Queen” tournament of what will be an interesting spring schedule. Unfortunately we were unable to get permits for March and April for the lush lawns of Innwood (new location by the river). However, we didn’t have to resort to asking Sung to once again break into the Parks and Recreation offices as he did five years ago to steal permits (he was actually lowered from a vent in the ceiling from a harness… true story). We’ve been informed by some very reliable sources that we need not worry about permits for this weekend because the rangers are all on some kind of “wilderness survival” retreat. Training on how to survive in the wild in case they lose their way on one of the many trails in the vast and dense parks of NYC. This event is also open to the general public, but openings are limited. If interested let me know and I’ll see if I can still get you in for this weekend.

As far as April tournaments are concerned, we couldn’t get the field at all due to a month long Falun Dafa reality/talent show that will be filmed at that location. Word has it that they are searching for extras. People that will create interference/obstacles for the contestants as they battle through some challenging, yet gentle, exercises. Should be fun for all. Again, if interested… you can call 1-877-FALUN-99 (toll free). If you go to either of these events, please feel free to write in and let the rest of us know how it was.

With these park restrictions, we are debating holding early pre-season beach tournaments. Exotic locations such as Long Beach, Seaside, Point Pleasant and one in Siesta Key, Florida. We’ll cover everyone’s airfare for that one, but if you’re late, you still owe $5. And… and… and… at some point, we WILL reintroduce the “Shot” tournament!

Back to this weekend… I do believe all of you know the rules of this tournament by now. You know… new partner every round against two new opponents… unless your name is Graham… then you can play against a guy named Josh every other game.

Cume your total points… I hate adding at the end of the day when I’m drunk.

Don’t pick on the weaker player with your fantastically bomb-blastic serve.

Over-hand sets that travel across the net without being touched are a point…. now that we play rally.

Championship court is the court nearest to all of the chairs!

You are paired with the opposite sex partner of the equivalent rank for single elimination playoffs.

We have drinks during, and most importantly after the tournament. This is called the “Stink & Drink.” I believe the name says it all.

Winners are required to do celebratory “tequila” shots. All others are certainly encouraged to join in on this festive moment. Again, if your name is Graham, you are entitled to perform at least three tray shots… but no more than seven.

There are a few others… but my fingers are beginning to cramp up and all of you know them anyway. If you don’t we’ll just spring them on you in an “as you go/learn” basis. Besides, it’s always more entertaining that way

We are in firm agreement that the last person showing for the day (after 8:45) must not only pay the $5 “I’m late cause I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to play or not” penalty, but will also be required to do a healthy shot of “wake-me-up” tequila!! No, this is not considered a performance enhancement drug. You’ll be fine for your sport/employment random urinalysis exam.

Now, who wants to play? Who can bring a net? I’ll bring Corona… do we have a volunteer to bring the Patron?

I’d love to see a lot of the “old crowd!” Even if you don’t play… try to stop by for frosty beverages and the party afterwards!

And remember this isn’t just for our enjoyment of volleyball and fellowship… it is also for the remembrance of what once was the PLANET of Pluto!