Before I continue further, I must officially give props to Zak for reviving a tournament that was practically on its last gasp. Special thanks once again go to Phil and his Mystical Merry Men. Without them this weekend would never have been possible… and even though several of you inquired about the mysterious ranks of the Merry Men, Phil has never divulged that information to me. As far as I know, it could be the guy playing on the court right alongside of mine. Or the guy whose beer from which I just took a long satisfying pull. I just don’t know.
Long Beach is an ideal location, and provided the forecast holds up for this weekend, we will be back this Saturday. For May, we look to go back to Innwood for a couple more
“King & Queen” events… and also hold a shot tournament! Man… it’s been awhile since we’ve had one of those!! The season finale will be in Long Beach during Memorial Day weekend. Diana and this guy (Andrew Miller – I don’t really know him, but he gives good e-mail) will be organizing some kind of big bash as a post tournament event. Obviously there are many more details to follow, but you can mark your calendar now! There are also preliminary discussions about actually holding a “King & Queen” in Miami this upcoming fall season… the main sponsor is supposedly Carlton Draught.
As this tournament gets more and more popular, it is amazing what some of you will do to make it to one of these “King & Queen” tournaments. Lets take this weekend for example… shall we?
Patrick arrived at the beach somewhere around 3am. True to his word, he was going to test the sand for the degree of warmth that he required before he played in a beach tournament. No better way to do that than to be present first thing in the morning. When Sung, Romeo and I arrived at the beach, we spied him near the lifeguard station all nestled up in a fuzzy beige blanket that was dotted with little blue two-inch elephants. He wore these cute baby blue bunny slippers… one ear on the one slipper was partially chewed… probably the handiwork of a teething or ornery puppy. Sung was about to shake him awake when I remembered reading something about that when someone is in a peaceful slumber you should awaken them gently. I had Romeo caress his cheeks, not with the back of his extended fingers, but with the pads of his fingertips… with soothing… gliding strokes of tenderness. Patrick slowly awoke with a smile of tranquility, and slowly dragged his hand through the sand. He scooped up a handful of the fine and pure sand and let it slowly pour out of his hands as he stared at it with the same awe that one would if he or she were allowing exquisite gold coins to flow from their grasp. He flashed his contagious grin and said, “oh yeah… it’s going to be a good day… I’m in!” We rejoiced! Then Patrick began talking about how beautiful Pluto was last night in the evening sky. We let him go back to sleep for a while longer.
Libby, a “newbie,” missed the 7:45 train out of Penn Station. Most others would have given up and gone back to bed. Not Libby… She opened up a jar of “can-do” attitude and mustered the will to defy that urge. She was going to participate in this tournament no matter what. Upon seeing her train depart, she immediately dashed to the street level and flagged down the first available cab. In this maddening race to beat the train to the beach… Libby and her cab driver broke numerous laws… too many to mention in this very brief recap. Once setting foot on the boardwalk at Long Beach she immediately realized that she had gotten out of the cab far too soon. Libby then sprinted the last two and a half miles to arrive at the site at exactly 9pm! Exhausted, she still found the energy to help set up three of the four nets. In between the proudly displayed her calf muscles, and on several occasions had people come and “feel” had hard they were from all her jungle survival training in the dark and dense jungles of the Philippines when she was a Marine Harrier fighter pilot. She’s all sweet and innocent off the court… but on the court she reverts back to her Marine call sign of “ghost” and she will sneak up on you during match play and destroy you! “Semper Fi.”
Tammy on the other hand was not as lucky as her counterpart. She was pulled over for speeding… I believe the story goes something like this – Tammy’s words:
“So I’m driving along… trying to get her on time… cause I don’t want to do that shot of tequila for being last. I don’t know if he is telling the truth or not about that… I didn’t want to take any chances. I’m flying along this residential street and this cop pulls me over. He walks up to my car and asks me why he pulled me over… I’m trying to think of something that would be a good excuse, but all I could come up with was, “its my birthday today!!” He then tells me that he stopped me because I was doing 87 MPH in a 35 MPH zone. I squinted my eyes and said, “was I really going that fast?” AAAAAHAHAHAHA... oohhhh… he wasn’t amused. He then asked me if I had a PBA card… and I did… but from 1998!!! He examined it and asked me the name of the officer who had given it to me… can you believe… I couldn’t remember!! So I thought… it may have been my friend Carl who gave it to me… the plumber… but I wasn’t sure… so I thought I was only thinking this… but somehow my mouth betrayed me and I blurted out “Carl!” “Carl who?” he asked me. I froze… I couldn’t say the plumber… my mind was freakin’ racing… and then all of a sudden out came… get this… out came … Malden!!… he’s a cop, right? AAAAAAHAHAHAHA!! Carl Malden!! (screaming laughter ensues). He let me go with a warning AAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Rick Gave up on a $976 thousand dollar business deal, sold the Infiniti, paid the plane fare change charges, and arrived in Newark (from Ft Meyers via Dallas, Washington and Chicago) at 2:10 am Saturday morning… just before Patrick snuggled into his jammies at the beach. Rick, happy to be back in NY amongst friends, didn’t see his efforts to play as sacrifices. “I was bored with the Infiniti… and I also have a Dodge Dart that gets 19 MPG and I’m quite happy with it,” he said. Rick added, “That is now my status car and I’m quite proud to drive it!”
As far as the actual tournament… Some highlights:
• Tammy again reliving her traffic incident to the entire group of players.
• E-mail alerts were sent about the typical condition of the first beach tournament of the season. Usually the sand is in horrible condition with much trash, sticks, shells, hypodermic needles, and various body parts strewn just below the surface. That was not the case… picture perfect sand was all that we found. It was so clean it was a challenge just to find a small piece of debris for the opening “shell” game of “choose side or serve.”
• Actual quote, “you know… one year… about the same amount of time that it takes for the sun to rotate around the earth… duh.”
• Cenk started a tournament for the very first time ever at a mark of 0-3!
• The water is still not safe for swimming due to the presence of numerous sea lions and the fact that they have recently been added to the infamously notorious list of animals trying to kill people.
• Departed the restroom at Burger King to hear a familiar female voice around the corner telling the cashier a story about how she dodged a traffic ticket doing 85 in a 25.
• Three hundred cats at the front door way of the Hemingway house refuse to allow the Persians through.
• Several of us experienced a rare “Volleyball Bob” sighting. Fits of uncontrollable rapture were felt by many.
• Two shanked passes landed up on the boardwalk. Safe to say that no harm came to anyone passing by, although one elderly 85 year-old woman was able to quickly side step to safety past one rolling ball.
• Did a shot of Patron with Rick to start the day… and I wasn’t even the last one to show!
Playoffs:
In semi-final action, Court one had the #1 seeded team of Long Beach Chris and Carla the Miami model facing against Patrick and Tammy. On the other court, yours truly had secured the #2 spot for the second week in a row. My fantastic partner this week was none other than Jen Krucher! Our opponents… Darlene and Cenk! Cenk surviving his slow start was beginning to build a little volleyball momentum. These were indeed exciting match-ups!
Before her match, Tammy was quite anxious to “get it on” and to retain her “Queen” status from last week. They felt Patrick would be the perfect stallion to ride in that quest. After testing the sand for warmth, Patrick was ready to play. After that, I didn’t really see much of their match. My assessment of the game they played is this:
Carla with a beautiful roll shot.
Long Beach Chris pounds one down on the line.
Patrick Pounds one back.
Tammy serves an ace on back line.
Carla wears a red ball cap.
Game over… Long Beach Chris and Carla the Miami model win it and advance to the finals!
I’ve retained more from my match… weird how that works. This one is just an absolute struggle. I’m tired and I keep hoping that Cenk is more tired. At one point I relay this important information to Jen. It went something like this, “Jen… I’m tired.” “Me too… but suck it up… we’re in this,” she replied. I feel my lip quiver as I begin to cry. I take a sand time-out to help adjust this hormonal mood swing I’m experiencing. I think of Matt who was still jump serving deep into the playoffs!! With that vision, my spirits are immediately lifted. I spin and return to the position on the court and ready myself for the next serve. It comes at me quickly. I barely get a hand on it as I send my pass to the back left-hand corner of the court. Jen barely gets a hand on it as she sets me. The next second or two is a blur as Jen and I collide, twist and fall to the ground in an exhausted heap. “I’m tired,” she says. I concur. Game over as Cenk, who started 0-3 for the first time ever, and Darlene march forth to the finals! As I sit there on the sand in relief that my day is finally over, I hear Tammy explaining to a few people on the boardwalk about her run-in with the law that morning and how was doing 95 in a 10 MPH zone.
The question was, will the number one seeded team of Long Beach Chris and Carla the Miami model be able to overcome this jinx? I won’t make you wait for the answer to this… the answer is… wait… wait… wait… the answer is no! Cenk and Darlene pull off the upset and are crowned the “King & Queen” of the first Long Beach tournament of the spring season!
Stink & Drink was held at Sutton’s Place. It is a very nice place… I’m somewhat afraid to actually sit on anything. Most of us went there for post tournament beverages… okay… I had to leave early, but that is rare. This could be the normal site for afterwards. Let me know what you think of it? Or should we consider relocated to a less posh place?
In this week’s segment of “Setting the Record Straight,” Eric LeCain writes in response to last week’s “hand model” mystery:
“Yes this is an imposter in the picture holding the cock. I first had this impression when I noticed that hand is white and not to be to blunt but the last time looked at Patrick D. ummmm he was not white. Also Patrick was not at the tournament in which the cock was the trophy. Also I know the hand holding the cock very well.... and how do I know that hand do you ask??... well because its my freakin’ hand and I won the cock that day. So on that particular day it was "my cock in my hand". I mean why would I be holding anyone elses cock and for that matter i think if Patrick D. was holding my cock I would know. So if Patrick would like to hold my cock he will have to win a K&Q, then he can hold it all he wants.... well I guess then it will be his cock so he would probably want to hold on to it or at give it a little squeeze... honestly then I guess I would not really want it anymore… mmmm... well I guess that all depends.”
Eric “The Cock” LeCain
Some folks may look at this photo and think, "he has something stuck in his teeth." I don't. I see a man about to wage another titanic struggle for volleyball court supremacy. He is evaluating the tendencies of his next opponent. Does he or she drop their elbow after they spy the opposing court for holes? Does he clap once before executing a roll shot. Does he not dip as low in the ready stance when he is is unsure of himself? Does her nostril flare just before she gets ready to crush a spike? All of this preparation requires intense focus... or... or it could just be that something really is stuck in his teeth.
The winners. I apologize for the photo. I've been taking some new medication and some of the perscriber information side effects are constant salivation, demon possession, and the obvious one... loss of camera operating ability.
2 comments:
Ok All I have to say to Mr. Cock, is that I want him to keep my Cock out of his mouth....
Enought said.
See you all at the next K&Q...
Ditty
Suffice to say, the sand will be warm enough, yes?
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