Tournament Invite for 3/31/07

Greetings fellow volleyball enthusiasts!

Graham, Zak and I have given this great thought. The three of us have convened on three different nights this past week… drank some beer… drew up plans… discussed rules changes… penalty shots… and most importantly, we all agree that we don’t care what the International Astronomical Union (IAU) thinks about Pluto. We stand by Pluto and are greatly insulted by the fact that this majestic celestial object has been unceremoniously downgraded to a “dwarf planet.”

It has been preached to us since first grade that this object is indeed a planet. But wait… ooooh… now they say that it hasn’t “cleared the neighborhood” around its orbit!! Maybe someone could have mentioned that several billion years ago during the Big Bang and perhaps Pluto would have been a little more diligent about tidying up its surroundings! Now it is a mere dwarf planet… in the same category as Ceres…, which was a simple asteroid just a few months ago (okay, so it is the size of Texas and if it were to collide with us we’d have a mass extinction equivalent to the KT boundary!)… Hmmm… where was I… volleyball… right… these few hundred astronomers visit Prague once a year and they think they can change the universe…

Well, the three of us came to the conclusion that we should play for the respect of Pluto! Therefore this weekend we’d like to hold our first spring “King & Queen” tournament of what will be an interesting spring schedule. Unfortunately we were unable to get permits for March and April for the lush lawns of Innwood (new location by the river). However, we didn’t have to resort to asking Sung to once again break into the Parks and Recreation offices as he did five years ago to steal permits (he was actually lowered from a vent in the ceiling from a harness… true story). We’ve been informed by some very reliable sources that we need not worry about permits for this weekend because the rangers are all on some kind of “wilderness survival” retreat. Training on how to survive in the wild in case they lose their way on one of the many trails in the vast and dense parks of NYC. This event is also open to the general public, but openings are limited. If interested let me know and I’ll see if I can still get you in for this weekend.

As far as April tournaments are concerned, we couldn’t get the field at all due to a month long Falun Dafa reality/talent show that will be filmed at that location. Word has it that they are searching for extras. People that will create interference/obstacles for the contestants as they battle through some challenging, yet gentle, exercises. Should be fun for all. Again, if interested… you can call 1-877-FALUN-99 (toll free). If you go to either of these events, please feel free to write in and let the rest of us know how it was.

With these park restrictions, we are debating holding early pre-season beach tournaments. Exotic locations such as Long Beach, Seaside, Point Pleasant and one in Siesta Key, Florida. We’ll cover everyone’s airfare for that one, but if you’re late, you still owe $5. And… and… and… at some point, we WILL reintroduce the “Shot” tournament!

Back to this weekend… I do believe all of you know the rules of this tournament by now. You know… new partner every round against two new opponents… unless your name is Graham… then you can play against a guy named Josh every other game.

Cume your total points… I hate adding at the end of the day when I’m drunk.

Don’t pick on the weaker player with your fantastically bomb-blastic serve.

Over-hand sets that travel across the net without being touched are a point…. now that we play rally.

Championship court is the court nearest to all of the chairs!

You are paired with the opposite sex partner of the equivalent rank for single elimination playoffs.

We have drinks during, and most importantly after the tournament. This is called the “Stink & Drink.” I believe the name says it all.

Winners are required to do celebratory “tequila” shots. All others are certainly encouraged to join in on this festive moment. Again, if your name is Graham, you are entitled to perform at least three tray shots… but no more than seven.

There are a few others… but my fingers are beginning to cramp up and all of you know them anyway. If you don’t we’ll just spring them on you in an “as you go/learn” basis. Besides, it’s always more entertaining that way

We are in firm agreement that the last person showing for the day (after 8:45) must not only pay the $5 “I’m late cause I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to play or not” penalty, but will also be required to do a healthy shot of “wake-me-up” tequila!! No, this is not considered a performance enhancement drug. You’ll be fine for your sport/employment random urinalysis exam.

Now, who wants to play? Who can bring a net? I’ll bring Corona… do we have a volunteer to bring the Patron?

I’d love to see a lot of the “old crowd!” Even if you don’t play… try to stop by for frosty beverages and the party afterwards!

And remember this isn’t just for our enjoyment of volleyball and fellowship… it is also for the remembrance of what once was the PLANET of Pluto!